Ten Things to know for new dads.
1. You’re the assistant parent.
This might elicit some push back but hear me out. I am a father of three children born 8 and 6 years apart. This means the generations of nurses at the maternity units had evolved and not to forget the hospitals were different. Whenever there was some information about the baby passed on to the parents, eyes were on the mother and sometimes back to me. Now let’s remember many mothers are still worn out from the activities of childbirth, and their bodies are also adjusting. My children’s mother told me her memory was quite patchy in all cases. She was quite sleepy and exhausted. I made myself available for every time a specialist came to visit. We are talking about a lactation nurse, paediatrician, social worker, you name it. I understand they think the mother will be the primary caregiver for the first few weeks, but she is out of it.
2. Do not take the backseat in baby care.
Do not accept to be in the backseat of your baby's care, be an equal care provider. The only part you might skip out is during breastfeeding. I have participated in every step of care, and it has been rewarding. Now of course make sure you get some coaching in case you are unsure of how to proceed. For example, bathing can be quite a challenge due to the slippery wiggly tiny person. However, it is doable and a bonding time for you and your baby. Do not at all costs let her dictate what you can or cannot do but hopefully, it can be a fair partnership because it is also a relief for her.
3. There is no such thing as mother instinct.
I quickly found out that there is no such thing as a mother’s instinct. A mother can be quite unskilled if she has never had any training from anyone. In the old days, girls got lessons from mothers, aunts, and other relatives. Also, there was more doll playing simulating reality. It is dangerous when you assume the mother knows exactly what to do with their newborn. Mothers get demoralized and very sad because they feel they lack the expected knowledge that somehow, they are supposed to possess at birth.
4. You lose your set of friends.
This is a big one. Unless your friends can accommodate your new reality, you might need to find new friends. This is especially true when you’re actively involved in baby care. You can no longer just get up and go or just invite them over. Well first off, unless you have a maid, your house is full of baby junk. You too smell like spit up because you didn’t notice the spit up your baby deposited on your shoulder.
5. Forget a full 8 hours of sleep.
What 8 hours? Yes, this will be history for a while. Unless you sleep somewhere detached from the action. I guarantee if the baby is in the same house as you, 2 hours of sleep is the maximum you can have at a time. You can organize and swap responsibilities with your partner. She could sleep for a full 4-5 hours while you take the wheel of responsibility and then you can switch off. This is healthier because now the baby is guaranteed to have at least one alert parent at a time. This is also important because lack of sleep makes us impatient, moody, and inefficient. I have known mothers who drop their babies because they would fall asleep breastfeeding.
6. Your mother-in-law is an indispensable asset.
If you have a mother-in-law or a tolerable relative or friend who can help, take them up on it. It must be a woman because sometimes, it is the mother that needs help with woman stuff.
7. Intimacy will be bizarre for a long time.
This is a sensitive area for a couple because it hits both of you differently. On the man’s side, your lady’s body is kind of changed a bit. Her scent is more of a baby scent than what you were used to. This tests your love for each other and puts pressure on both of you. I am not saying it is negative or positive, but something you should be aware of in your new reality.
8. You get a boost in estrogen
I found myself on edge in my first days as a dad. I began noticing how other parents were treating their children more. News about children and dads became more personal. I would go out with friends but every chance I would get, I would pull up a photo of my daughter and take a glance at it. I would get a lump in my throat when I watched some shows or movies that involved parents and their children. This was all new.
9. Strange colors appear on your clothes in mysterious areas.
As much as you try to have a burp rug while you hold your baby, I would recommend a specialized outfit that you change when you must go places. Babies will “mark their territory” on your clothes with spit-ups in strange areas like on the back of your shoulder or your collar. It is also necessary to note that keeping your street clothes away from your baby in the early weeks is wise for sanitary purposes.
10. Newborns like to hangout between 12:00 am and 3:00 am
This is important depending on your sleep schedule. I found that newborns in my household woke up at 1 am and stayed up until 4 or 5 am. This moment would be a mix of quiet empty stares to inconsolable crying and screaming. Depending on how tired you are, this pushes your patience to the edge and makes you question your ability to figure out your baby’s needs. (It’s only a phase).
Becoming a father is easy, but being a dad takes a multitude of qualities, will, and determination. As time goes on, you begin to enjoy your child but also get annoyed by them. Remember, nothing children ever do is malicious, but it is all part of their development cycle. It is up to you to bring them up as responsible productive future adults.
Commentaires